She, a beautiful hex.

A sublime smile, she wore,

Upon her face, adorned mine,

Wretched and woeful. She owned,

A seraphic life, before I,

Saturnine’d it. A person,

So vivacious and upbeat, fell for,

A lugubrious and bleak me. She,

stoical and forbearing. I,

Mercurial and irascible. She,

Cherished and venerated me, I

Loathed and detest myself.

She declaimed the magical words,

Her sonorous voice, I did,

Ridicule and disdain her.

I, very abstruse, she, so amiable.

Us, so flawed and shoddy,

Together , so quintessential.

 

I love you.

 

 

What you read above was my very first poem and maybe most of you readers know who it is for. Anyhow, it had been long since my last post so I thought it was time to update the blog. 🙂 Anyway, feel free to comment if you dont like a part or anything. Thank you, much love.

Peace.

And then she happened…

We often read love stories, almost perfect love stories. We read stories of how two people meet somewhere and then fate decides what they have in store for each other. We read stories of  how a boy saves the life of another girl and wins her heart. We read stories of heroism and bravery just to win the heart of a girl. We read stories, we believe in them. These stories entertain us. Give us joy and butterflies in our stomach. But, these stories are not often true. These are mere pieces of one’s imagination, all combined together to form  a perfect story. Even though, there’s no such as a perfect love story, we often feel ourselves to be forced to believe that there are stories which are perfect. Perfect in every way. What is a perfect love story? A guy meets a girl, falls in love with her. So does the girl. They both come out to each other. Have a perfect love life. Then they get married and have kids. And die in each other’s arm when they get old.

Is that how we define a perfect love story? Pathetic. There’s no such thing as a ‘perfect’ love story. There’s no such thing which is perfect. Every goddamn thing in this universe has flaws and loopholes. We, humans, dream of a perfect love story. We dream of things we know will never happen. It’s true, dreamers dream. Everyone dreams of falling in love once in his life. Everyone dreams of having someone who will always be there for him, no matter what. Everyone dreams to have someone they can depend on which they find no reason to live life. We all want love, we all dream of love. Goddamn love, eh.

For me, it started way back. It started on 20th October 2012. But.. that’s not what I’m gonna talk about here. We all know that, yeah, you readers. :’D And, just to let you guys know.. I’ve fallen in love twice. Some of you will not agree with me, right now, but whatever. People who know me, know that I’m not lying. I fell once, I got up, I fell again. But this time, I fell for the right now. :’) Anyway, let’s not talk about that. Let me tell you my story. How it all started.

I remember that day very correctly. It’s like it has been engraved in my brain. November 3rd, I was introduced to a girl. A girl, I never knew I would plan and hope to spend the rest of my life with. That day my heart got struck again, after a very long time. Almost after a period of two years, someone had struck my heart again. Although, the introduction wasn’t proper. I didn’t say a word, my friend did everything. And, that girl.. she just smiled at me and my heart kept skipping beats. (Not literally, though. :3) That day, I found that ray of light which was missing from my life since very long. That day, was another beautiful day, almost after two years. I was happy. For some reason, I felt happiness. I smiled after two years. Smiled with actually happiness. I didn’t need to fake another smile that day.

My life took a turn on 20th October, when I fell for a girl. Although, it didn’t work somehow. It felt as if it was working in the start but then.. destiny had something else in store for me. My life changed. I, from a very happy and jolly man, became a very silent and sad person. I lost light from my life. You know? That spark which you have in your life which makes you happy. I lost it. I became sad. I became silent. I became an observer. I didn’t speak much. I observed. I kept it all inside me. I shared it with people I trusted, very very very few. And, I’m glad they allowed me to share. Otherwise, I’d not be here today, writing this. My life became dark. I needed a light to spark it up again. My attitude changed. My personality changed. People hated me, even those who liked me before. I do not blame them, it was me, it was my fault. I changed myself on my own. I became that sort of a person who would not share his feelings with everyone but would rather choose to keep it all inside him. I still am not changed completely. I still have that thing inside me, somewhere. I liked hurting people who were close to me. I liked hurting myself, in any way possible. I was mad, I was crazy. I needed love. I know I might reflect as a desperate but I wasn’t desperate, I was just falling more and more. I couldn’t stop. I tried. I couldn’t. I tried my best. Guess, sometimes we really need people who can help us with our life and make it better than ever. I wasted two years for someone who was never supposed to be mine. Although, at that time I believed rather the opposite of it. I believed we two were made for each other, but, dumb me. Finally, I gave it up on 3rd November. I gave up the thought of us being together. It wasn’t easy. I needed help. A friend, a brother, a shoulder, helped me. I needed a push, he gave me that push. I needed to be forced, he forced me. I’ll always respect him for that, for that push. Thankyou. :’) I guess, life can really give you beautiful things, huh? I let go off someone and on that very day, I meet someone else.

November 5th, I received a question on my ask profile. Someone wanted views. SOMEONE, that very someone who was about to change my life, once and for all. We exchanged views. Another good day of my life. I didn’t think it would proceed way far than just friendship. Honestly, I didn’t even expect friendship. I mean, seriously? Who would be friends with me? Hah, that’s just adding another asshole to the list of ‘asshole friends’. Coming back, I was happy to receive good views from her. I don’t know why, but I was happy.

November 8th, I sent her a friend request. (Yeah, I did. Honestly, I sent her the request. :’| But, it was for good, so no regrets.) She accepted. We talked just like two strangers, or schoolmates I shall say, talk.

We talked every day, not face to face, just through social networks. We passed smiles. You can’t just figure out what life has for you tomorrow, neither could I. November 14th 2014, we were talking normally. Just some here and there stuff. Around, 8:15 – I proposed her. 8:17 – She said yes. (Yeah, those two minutes where the hardest of my life, eh. I was like, whaaaaat? Why are you taking so long? Come on. Come on. Come on. But, meh.) Her yes, meant so much to me. I almost jumped. I was on cloud 9. I just kept reading her yes again and again. I couldn’t explain what was happening in my mind. All that happiness, all that spark, all coming at me. ALL AT ONCE. But then, something happened. She asked me to talk to her in school. I was struck again. I mean, how could I? I was like, there’s no fucking way that’s gonna happen. God! Why? I mean, how can a person like me, just go around talking to a girl. I mean, I barely spoke to my female friends, how can I talk to a girl I just proposed to. DAMN! It was hard for me, very very very hard. I didn’t know what to say. I said, I’ll try. Damn, that took hell lot of guts to even say. Next day was the hardest of my life. First, I’d be facing a girl I proposed last night. Second, I didn’t know if I’ll even be able to face her, meh. She came with her best friend. I was facing the hardest time of my life. My hands were sweating. (They sweat when I’m nervous or…) I didn’t know what to speak. I went along with her. I didn’t speak anything. I just listened to her. Observed. Watched her speak. Delightful. Something I’d even pay to watch. It was the first time I was looking at her so clearly. I’d seen her pics and few glimpse of her in school. But this time, she was infront of me and I was able to look at her CLEARLY. My heart was thumping rapidly. I could hear it. She was speaking, I was listening. So tough. Her eyes, her nose, her lips, her head. All moving in motion as she kept on speaking. True beauty, though.

Day after day, she forced me to talk to her. It’s not like I didn’t want to. I just felt scared and afraid. My words usually hurt many people and I didn’t want her to be hurt by my words. It was challenging for me to give up something like that. Finally, I tried. I started by saying few words. Eventually, I gained confidence and was able to converse with her properly even infront of her friends.

We talked daily. Shared everything with each other. Laughed together. Cried together. Lived together. Things were getting serious. We were falling for each other even more and more, every day. I gave her the love and care she wanted. She gave me reasons to live life. Not just that, she did many things for me. And, believe me when I say many, I mean MANY.

She gave me reason to live. She gave me reason to smile. She gave me reason to love. She gave me reason to care. She gave me her love. She gave me happiness. She cared for me without asking for it in return. She gave me joy. She gave me that light which I was needing to get my life back on track. She got me back. Yes, she got the Yusuf back which people were missing from a long time. She changed me. She changed my life. She changed my personality. She made me a happy man. She made me what I am today. I’ll never be able to thank her for the love and care she gave me. I’ll never be able to thank her for the man she made me I am today. She gave me life. I want to thank her, but I know I cannot. :’)

January 2nd, 2015. My life changed again. We were having autumn break. I was missing her alot. She was missing me alot. Our feelings couldn’t stop but to force ourselves to meet each other. We decided to meet. It was the first time I was going out with a girl. It was the first time, anyone would see me with a girl OUTSIDE. It was the first time, we’d be together, just the two of us. That day was beautiful. I met her. We talked. We laughed. We shared memories. We made memories. Great day, it was. I also met her sister that day. (Yeah, no kidding, I did. :3)

We are going further and further in our relationship. We were falling more and more and more and more. We were opening up to each other. We shared our past. We decided to forget about it. We decided to forget all those memories and replace it with new ones. We decided to spend the rest of our life together.

February 18. Her birthday. What a day! I did everything I could to make her happy, that day. Although, I couldn’t go to her birthday party, because of my tuition. (Yeah, had a math class that day. Pre-boards were going on, couldn’t skip.) Although, I was glad she understood. I wish to be there at her next birthday, though. She is a very great woman. :’)

April 2nd, we went to a movie together. I cannot explain what a beautiful day that was!! I’ll never forget that day. NEVER EVER. Actually, not gonna talk about that day. It’s just, I have no words to explain. It was beautiful, that’s all I’ll say.

April 8th, school started. We had already planned to be in the same class, after all our streams were same. So, why not? We got in the same class after a lot of struggle, phew! April 9th, our first day together in the same class. We sat together. It was.. beautiful. You know? Knowing that you’ll be together for two years in the same class. Knowing that you’ll always be able to see her when you’ll roll your eyes in the class looking around. Knowing that she’ll always be a step away from you, that’s it.

School days were awesome. We spent every minute and every moment together, possible ones only. Sometimes the teachers would make us sit separately, cause.. uh, narrow minded people, you know. We had the best time together. BEST TIME. We did everything together, ALMOST EVERYTHING. Although, it had some complications. Sometimes, I’d get mad because of my jealousy. Sometimes, we’d fight. But, we’d not let it stretch for more than a day. We’d always forgive each other. Because, we love each other. We’ve had pretty serious fights, but. We’ve even been at the stage where we just feel like breaking up. But, we never let go of each other. We live for each other. We live for each other’s happiness. We’d do anything to let go off bad memories. We forgive. We move on. We love even more. We love each other, whole heartedly. We strive for each other. We need each other. We want each other. I love her. She loves me.

May 30th, we met again. Outside, yes. You know they say, in love you can never get enough of each other. It’s true, actually. We spent couple of hours together. But in the end, when she was leaving. It ached. It hurt. I didn’t want her to go. It was painful. It’s painful every time.

I know I’ve been an asshole to her. I’ve hurt her. I’ve broken her heart. I’ve let go off her. I’ve been rude to her. I’ve been bad to her. I’ve been wrong to her. I’ve hurt her badly. I’ve made her cry. I’ve been the reason of her tears. I’ve been the reason she hurt herself. I’ve been the reason she remembered of her past. I’ve been bad, really bad. But believe me when I say that I love her very much. I mean it everytime I say. It’s been more than 6 months and I still feel like it was the first day, yesterday. All this time, the love inside me grew stronger and stronger. I want her almost every moment. Even if she goes for five minutes, I start missing her badly. When she comes back, I feel happy! She knows what she means to me. She knows how much I love her. She knows without her I’d be nothing and I mean it.

I hope to spend the rest of my life with her. Even though, there are many complications and almost 30% chance that we’d be together in future but I still hope, because she wants me to. I just hope that I give her what she wants in life. I want to fulfill all her dreams. (Possible ones, actually. 😛 I mean, not superficial ones, just kidding.) I just want her to feel like a queen, my queen.

Oh and, I know I suck at writing. But, bare me and be a little kind. Although, hatred is welcome. But still. And, those who don’t know who ‘she’ is, it’s Riya Chawla. The girl of my life, the woman who holds the key to my heart. And, you obviously know who I am. 😐 Those who don’t, name’s Yusuf. Thank you for reading. Have a nice day. Ciao. Peace.

Treat them! Don’t eat them.

Hello readers,
My first blog, eh. Seems like, I should impress you people! :’) Nevertheless, I will. Hold onto your seats, take a good time reading this. I hope you will like it and enjoy it.

Women. What are they? Who are they? Where do they come from? Some of you might give easy answers to these questions, whereas some of you might not be able to because you are still confused about all this. We, Indians, live in a society where women are treated as mere objects rather than being treated as a human. I know, you guys read all this daily, almost daily. But believe me, what I’m going to write down here will surely give you a feeling of disgust and anger towards India and it’s society. It’s not like I hate India, but yeah, I just might because of it’s society and culture. Women are not safe in India, women are raped in India, women are just mere toys, women are inferior to men, women are basically something to fulfill your desires. You hear these things very often in India. People who don’t live in India spit on India because of these shocking, yet true, facts. Indians men don’t understand a simple fact that they wouldn’t be there if it was not for those women. They treat them as nothing, or should I say they don’t even “treat” them. Lately, I was watching that documentary made by BBC about that incident which happened back in 2012. What shook me the most is the mentality of Indian people. I mean, I just felt so so so disgusting when I heard them saying all that. One of the rapist said that the girl shouldn’t have revolted rather she would have just accepted the rape and maybe this, her death, wouldn’t have happened. I mean, where do these people come from? Why are they never punished? Why are they punished in the least painful way? That girl was raped so brutally. She didn’t deserve it. She wasn’t doing anything wrong. Why were these people made to go through the same? Why weren’t their insides taken out of the body and thrown away? Why weren’t they made to walk naked around the city? Why were they hanged and then burnt alive in front of the whole city? Why our government never does something so painful that it would give goosebumps to every person who even thinks about doing something like this? It’s not their fault, it’s the government’s fault. I purely blame the government. Had they done something that painful, nobody would even think about doing something like this. Also, the lawyer who was fighting ‘for’ the rapists said that, ‘We have the best culture. In our culture, there’s no women.’ I mean, I seriously want to ask that person does he have a mother? Did his mother do something that bad that he is saying all this now? Will he say the same thing if tomorrow his sister or wife is made to go through the same? NO, he won’t. He said all that because it was someone who didn’t belong to him and he just didn’t care enough, so he said whatever he felt like.

Why can’t we Indians change our mentality? Why can’t we treat them with respect they deserve? Why can’t we treat them the right way? Why can’t we stop treating them as objects? Think people, think! What if tomorrow it’s your sister/wife/daughter? Will you let it happen? Would you want anything to happen to them? NO, right? Then, change your mentality.

Treat them! Don’t eat them.