Someday, somewhere, sometime, we all come across someone in our life who, we believe, is the one made for us. Someone who makes sense of everything they do, everything they say and everything they think. It all just seems right and it all makes you not want to question it. Someone who understands you more than anyone ever has, someone who sees the real you in yourself and holds onto it; and never lets go. Someone who truly makes you happy without even trying to do so, someone who makes you feel content of your life and your decisions. Decisions that led you to that ‘someone’. Decisions that you will never regret.
When you look at that ‘someone’, you feel like your life is complete and that it will never be gloomy again. You feel like you have found the key to live a long, happy and prosperous life. You feel like you have found your soulmate, your partner, the other half of you. Someone who fits beside you perfectly in that jigsaw puzzle we call ‘life’. We wish to hold onto that someone forever and ever. We wish to be a part of their life just like they are a part of ours. We wish to be their ‘someone’, who they would want to spend the rest of their lives with. For me, you are that ‘someone’. I know you are not my first, but I promise you that you’d my last and I will cherish and love you forever and ever, until I’m alive. I know that I have made a lot of mistakes and I have done a lot of wrong things that I shouldn’t have and yet, you have forgiven me for all of those things.
I know that I am not a good person and you try your best to make me one, to show me the right path, to stop me from doing wrong things; all out of pure love and affection. I know that I haven’t treated you fairly, I haven’t loved you back enough, I haven’t been honest with you like I should have, yet you hold onto me with hope glistening in your eyes. It feels like someone’s stabbing me every time my actions or my words hurt you. I never want them to hurt you, I don’t intend to hurt you, it just… it happens. I know that I am a messed up soul and a very bad human being, yet you do not wish to give up on me. I don’t know what you see in me which makes you want to hold on even more; but I am glad you see something in me. You are the only one who has chosen to see good in me even though I’m full of wrongdoings and lies and hatred and betrayal. Even though I am glad that you have chosen me and you still choose to hold on, I wish… I wish you hadn’t. I wish you had chosen someone else because I would never be able to give you all you want and all that I have promised to give you. I am a lost soul trying to find light but I keep stumbling towards darkness even more, every day and every time. I wish that I could keep you happy and give you a life you deserve. But with me, it’ll never be able to happen. I hope that the good part of me doesn’t give up on you and keeps holding on just like you do, because it would kill me to see you cry. It would kill me to see your heart break into pieces as I would leave. I know I am not the best for you, and I know I will never be able to be the best for you, but what can I do now? I’ve held onto you and I cannot let go because losing you is like losing my sanity. I wish someday, somewhere, sometime, your heart decides to let go because that will be the best for you. You will be happier with someone else; trust me when I say this.
I will always love you and care about you. You are my eternity and I hope you forgive me.
Yours and just yours,